Tuesday, June 26, 2018

HOLDING MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW

DRIFTING OUT OF FOCUS

It's been TOO LONG since I've written in the blog?  WHY??...because I've drifted out of focus, which is a natural human tendency.  So rather than beat myself up over this, I'm learning how to re-direct
the monkey mind and use it to actually come back out of the woods, and get into the world through writing.

I've enlisted in INSANE PRODUCTIVITY, a workshop/seminar/course put together by DARREN HARDY.  It is insanely spot on when in the first of the 12 Modules it explains why we "drift" away from our intentions, goals, working toward our dream lives.  What I thought was a character flaw in my own psyche, turns out to be a basic human trait.....WHEW, how to you spell RELIEF!!!!

There are many self improvement books/seminars, etc. out there, and I've read/attended/listened to my share, but NO ONE addresses our innate tendencies like Darren.  The beauty of this course is Darren doesn't explain these things and leave you there, feeling relieved, he gives the tools, step by step to work WITH these traits and not have them continually sabotage our success.  Many of us think it's what happened in childhood, or something our parents did or didn't do...a host of reasons to mull over...but mulling over them or exploring what it even was doesn't have to be the path one takes to get back on the horse and go full speed ahead and actually REALIZE a dream we had....and how to make that dream be something we do more than dream about.

I realize this sounds like a sales pitch for this program...it isn't.  It's me writing on the day of my AH-HA moment of getting what my true direction is.  It came in a moment today, in the bathroom of all places (not some lofty hill with a view or a retreat in an exotic location) after mulling over just a few things that pulled together what I've been struggling with for years.

So I'm all fired up.  I can still DO all those other things I love, but the calling is to WRITE, WRITE, WRITE!!!!  ....and I don't mean replies on Facebook or comments in the online news (two habits that are my kryptonite!).  What did I DO before the computer came into my life?  I wrote songs, played music, painted and made detailed illustrations, wrote a book, journaled all the time, and had adventures OUT IN THE WORLD.


So I celebrate this AH-HA with writing in my blog TODAY, RIGHT NOW.

I am hereby holding myself accountable to NOT DRIFT FROM THIS AGAIN as I have done too many times. It's time to #BeTheException

Saturday, November 25, 2017

EMPOWERING YOUR CHILDREN

Tools To Give Your Children ~ Part 1

Yellow is the color in the spectrum that equates to wisdom.  Hence, this blog will be written in yellow, as the mind absorbs that which is on yellow paper more readily, or using this color in the spectrum.

As a child, I was what I came to learn, "born awake" - all children are, but most are taught by societal conditioning through parents, teachers, all others to 'forget' this Divine part of ourselves, our psychic connection to the creative Source, stifle the intuitive wisdom that guides us in decisions and away from dangerous situations or people and to not listen to an inner voice or have 'invisible friends' - chalking the latter up to childhood folly.

Remembering more fully the memories I had as a child, I stayed in tune with that part of myself and it was the times I strayed from it I made decisions that did not result in an outcome for my highest good and brought about much suffering.  Bullied as a child for being 'different, smaller than the rest' and ridiculed even by family members, I began the long road of making fun of myself to make others laugh, for that was the only way to get positive attention, which I became subconsciously programmed to believe was 'acceptance' from others, including my parents.

Any time I felt good about myself as a child or young teenager, my parents said I "had a big head" or when asking them if I was pretty, their consistent reply was in an indifferent voice, "ah, you're run of the mill, nothing special."

Armed with this set of factors creating what there was no term for then, but now the term is called, LOW SELF ESTEEM, I made choices from the sub-conscious belief of unworthiness and not deserving success or happiness.

When I became a mother, I decided then and there, from that wee spark of wakefulness and that almost microscopic thread connecting me to my sub-conscious higher self that I would raise my child to feel good about herself and know she was a miracle, an empowered being capable of being or doing anything she set her mind to and wanted.  That decision lead me to the tools I needed myself to live this way and feel this way about myself, because words do not teach as much as living by example teaches.  In other words, I had to become what I wished for my daughter.  This conscious decision lead my sub-conscious to begin attracting the tools for a life of empowerment and oneness with my highest inner self, the ability to listen to my inner voice, how to go about that and trusting my intuition to guide me to make decisions in my best interest.  I knew I needed to give my daughters the tools I wasn't given as a child and to basically give her the messages opposite of what my parents gave me, for I was well aware of the results from the messages I acted out on given me by my parents.  (Starting with not blaming them but knowing that I incarnated to parents who gave the gift of teaching "how not to teach" rather than "how TO teach")  Those are entirely two different gifts which both serve two different purposes.

TOOLS:  learning the subconscious mind is at its most receptive between the worlds of wakefulness and sleep, I would go into my daughters room after they were put to bed and before they would be awakened in the morning and state in a soft voice: "you are a perfect and powerful soul in a human body" ~ "you are connected to the Source of All there is and are protected and safe in this world" ~ "you can be and do anything you set your mind to" ~ "your soft voice within you will always guide you to make the best decision"

MORE TOOLS:  Being a musician since a young girl, I came to learn the power of healing vowels and frequencies.  Initially I was lead to the ashram of Swami Muktananda and learned Sanskrit chants.  I was 'lead to' a book in the library (in the old days before Amazon and the internet) on Mantras and studied the essential wisdom of powerful combinations of ancient Sanskrit.  I began playing these mantras with my guitar every day and at night when my daughters were falling asleep.  My eldest daughter, now sings to her daughters what was her favorite chant I sang to her as a child.  

SPIRITUAL TOOLS:  When my first daughter was young, as many children, she loved to ask questions and many times just chatter to hear herself talk.  I didn't deem this a bad thing, but I did have a practice each day at sunset that it was "quiet time" and a time to "tune in with stillness" - not easy for a child to do, but also not easy for adults to do!!!  I instinctively knew she needed this tool to tune in with nature (what I called the powerful time between the worlds of day and night).  Through this practice, it taught her to tune in with nature and subconsciously, she would tune in with the movement of Creation, which is the changing from day to night, the movement of the earth within the Cosmos.  We started at just two minutes, worked up to five minutes and worked up to fifteen minutes so that it was a pleasant experience and not something she couldn't handle being a rambunctious child.  When administering such a practice, one must take into consideration the nature of the child, they are all different, and the point is to make it fun so they enjoy it and not resist it.  Enjoying something brings it into the sub-conscious, resisting does the opposite.

CHANGING THE FAIRY TALE STORY BOOKS:  Children love to be read those fairy tales.  Using my imagination and will to empower, I'd change the story as I read it.  Being the mother of daughters, I would never let the story be the female in distress waiting for the knight or prince to rescue her and her 'happily ever after' depended on her need for a man to save her.  I also did not portray 'the witch' to be an evil intentioned and ugly old woman in the woods, but a wise woman of power who lived in nature and helped people find their way or assist them on their path, or administer ease through use of herbal infusions that I'd just invent using my intuition when reading.

WHEN BEING A SINGLE MOM, HOW TO DEAL WITH CONSEQUENCES OF A CHILD'S NAUGHTY CHOICES:  Many times as a single mom, my eldest of the two daughters was the most firey and strong willed, and would behave in a manner that needed 'correcting'.  Many times I would be at a loss for how to do this without breaking her spirit.  I would never punish her or spank her out of anger.  If she angered me (which is really pretty natural with us being human) I would sit a moment and breath and call in the Divine, and utter silently yet fervently, "Heavenly Father, please come through me RIGHT NOW to address this issue for the highest good, I don't know how to do this and am an open channel IN THIS INSTANT to receive direction on how to handle this child so she learns the necessary lesson for her highest good"

I did this MANY TIMES throughout my days of single mothering.  Those moments I wished I had a partner/husband/earthly father to partner up with and make those decisions, feeling utterly alone for a few moments, I would then say the above and felt it with all my heart.  I came to feel that I was raising the girls with the Heavenly father as the earthly ones abandoned us.  I am not a religious person thinking of an old man with a beard who directed the workings of earth from a cloud in the sky, but called in the Divine Masculine to work with me, The Divine Feminine to balance the polarities, the yin/yang and "assist me" and work "through me".  It ALWAYS DID and would assist me with the next tool I am about to share.

WHEN THE CHILD OF A SINGLE MOTHER CRIES FOR THE EARTHLY FATHER THAT NEVER SHOWED UP:  I was married to my first daughters dad, but he chose drugs over us, and for our well being, I had to leave that marriage when my daughter was 18 months old.  As he sold off and hocked everything, I left walking, holding the baby, a guitar and a suitcase with no where to really go.  That said, over the years both my daughters had bouts of crying on their birthdays and other days stating, "why doesn't my daddy want to know me?"  This of course broke my heart in two, hearing not only their distress, but knowing they were forming opinions and beliefs of themselves as not being worthy of having a dad and that something was wrong with THEM as to why their fathers did not choose to be in their lives.  Again, I called forth Divine wisdom and intentionally opened myself as a conduit "in this moment" to channel the best response for their highest good.  The response came as follows:  "Your earthly father is a human, and as a human, choices that are mistakes can be made.  Your earthly father is under the influence of making such a mistaken choice.  But this choice gives us the gift of knowing our Heavenly Father, who is ALWAYS with us and who guides us to make the best choices, teaches us that we are powerful and beautiful children.  Although we cannot SEE this Heavenly Father, we can FEEL Him and know He will never leave us and we can always call on Him to guide us."  Sometimes I would continue, "If your earthly father knew you, he would want to be here with you, but his life choices as a human father have mistakenly lead him away from us" (I always said "us" not "you" so the child would not take it all upon herself in her psyche).  I have had to say this on many birthdays and other occasions and had to myself trust that this explanation I received as an intentional open conduit, was for their highest good to assist with pending abandonment/daddy issues.

I will close for now on the tools I have given my daughters so this blog entry isn't too long.  For the tools I give my grandchildren, I will write another blog, for they have a whole other set of life circumstances that include their parents getting divorces and being negatively programmed by fathers that are in their lives.  I must say that the tools/lessons/examples I've had to teach have been even more complex than what I have had to deal with in my mothering years of two young daughters.  There are more tools I have utilized, and after being asked about this by my Soul Sisters, I will create a Part 2 as memory of these tools are surfacing, and more will be coming in to share with you.  Thank you to all my Soul Sisters who have asked about this, giving me the opportunity to share vital wisdom that channeled through me as a conduit for Divine Wisdom. 

I do want to add one other important tool:
HEALTHY LIFESTYLE:  I discovered organic, natural foods in 1978 when my youngest was 2.  Back then, natural foods were not packaged or in abundance and took more work to prepare and even then were a more expensive food source than commercially manufactured 'crap' that I inherently knew was not 'nourishing food'.  I saw how children were mesmerized by packaging and commercials on TV to make them want that stuff.  Hence, we didn't watch TV (only Sesame Street & Mr. Rogers) and I worked and shopped exclusively at a small natural foods co-op in Tempe Arizona to get "food at cost" and develop a pallet in the child to like naturally flavored foods instead of becoming addicted to artificial flavors and sugar.  THIS IS KEY to start them out young.

I knew the first 7 years of life were the key years 'for programming' and after that, one would have to live with what they have put in to that child's psyche during those crucial years.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Dream Chasing After the Kids Are Grown

When youth is behind us, it may seem like we're "too old" to start new things.  At least that's the age-old belief system that's imposed on us.  It's our choice to believe in that limiting belief and accept the regrets that come with it.  As a younger woman, I refused to live by those limitations, yet am currently working with a tsunami of limitations that have recently crashed in on me. The phase of multiple limitations in the forms of severe depression, grief and despair due to major hand surgeries and head injuries, limiting my abilities to be self sufficient after a car crash initiated the first wave of despair and depression years ago.  For a time, I was able to overcome the despair, but it returned recently.  These limitations came later in life, and despite my rough beginnings as a young adult being a single mom, I taught my children to discover & follow their passion and live a life with zest and enthusiasm that brings joy, not guilt.  I specifically raised my girls to be empowered women, as my parents passed onto me their zero self esteem. To be the best parent possible I had to create a good self image and feeling of empowerment for myself so I could be an example for my daughters.  I didn't want them to suffer as I did from this, so I had to become empowered and confident despite interior and exterior obstacles, as one only teaches by example.

This leads me to the childhood dream being awakened within to figure skate.  At 59 I ordered my beautiful Harlick skates, began lessons and the "Coffee Club" skating group.  After my initial enthusiasm got me going, I had to have two more corrective hand surgeries keeping me off ice for 9 months, my close friend commit suicide right before that, so my momentum to skate slid into a pit of despair, depression, grief and now having to allow the time for my hands to heal.  The grief was not just the way my friend chose to die, but also for the loss of my enthusiasm to skate and loss of my zest for life.  Grief is the emotional and physical reaction to any big change or perceived loss. That zest for life always got me through exterior challenges and obstacles.  Recently, my best friend of 30 years just died of cancer at only 54, and another wave of grief sunk me into having no energy to get to the rink, I couldn't even walk my dog!

Only this week has my desire to LIVE rather than be like the walking dead enable me to get myself to the rink, walk my dog and feel somewhat ALIVE again! Enlisting the help of professionals I spoke to grief counselors as well as my doctor, so strong was my desire to work with this tsunami of despair and not let it sink me, for truly, my ship was sinking.  The feeling of tiring of the weight and darkness of despair, grief inducing emotions and all that it triggers within one's core, outweighed the despair and depression itself. 

The women of the "Coffee Club" at the rink are ever supportive and encouraging of me, never judgmental that I hadn't been consistent in skating as they saw my zest to skate disappear and I didn't skate for long periods of time.  Returning to the ice was more frustration than fun and I felt like an "eternal beginner".  More huge life lessons here, "allowing myself to have fun rather than be driven to accomplish, accept where I am in the present moment and be patient with my process."  In other words, CUT MYSELF SOME SLACK!


Allowing oneself to live what one has always dreamed of doing, be it figure skating, playing an instrument, writing a book, becoming a doctor, painter or ANYTHING.....after the children are raised, one is at that door of deciding to "feel like it's too late" or "it's now or never" - and do I want to live with regrets of not having given my dreams a chance to become my reality?  My desire to not have regrets has now outweighed my depression and grief.  Not out of the dark woods of that grieving phase after the death of a lifelong friend, at least now I get more glimpses of light through the darkness than the previous immersion in the darkness that was my reality. When I got to the point of preferring to die than to live, the turning point came.  Suicide was not an option, not a curse I would leave as the legacy to my children and grandchildren, but I didn't want to live either, so I sought help.  


I didn't have supportive partners, husbands or parents, but when I go within and attune with my heart and spirit, there lies the encouragement of the Divine Source that connects us all....and the wonderful friends that are in the "Coffee Club" skating group!  Just yesterday, one friend there told me about Connie Curry, so I post below, her story.

https://www.growingbolder.com/connie-curry-3047908/

Friday, March 10, 2017

Quote from former Imperator of the Rosicrucian Order

"True humility is not a sign of passivity. It is not a submission to the forces that oppose the essential needs of life, of self. Neither is humility an indication of personal weakness. The humble person realizes that there is no singleness to life. We are not isolated beings any more than a healthy cell is in a multicellular organism. Intelligent restraint so evident in humbleness is recognition of that Greater Self that must be served. 

This Greater Self is not an abstract, esoteric concept, or, a mere ideal. If humanity is a living social organism, then each human is a cell in that organism, the Greater Self. 

Aggression exercised solely for the needs of the Individual Self is a malignancy that can destroy the totality upon which all humanity depends. No aggression can advance us so far personally that we no longer need that sympathy and compassion which humility engenders." 

Ralph M. Lewis

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Eckhart tolle - New born





Interestingly, this 'other half' that Eckhart refers to I had a more familiar association with since being a child.  I remember being more in tune with that part and the day I discovered my hands and the concept of "I" - that to me seemed quite foreign and this 'other half' was amazed at these earthly identification concepts.  


These videos presented by Eckhart tolle TV are amazing.  His delivery


of this information is very relaxing and 'absorbable' ~ I would highly recommend them if you are in the process of a 'shift' or an intensely difficult time either with your self, others, exterior events or any combination thereof.  


May you all be blessed at this time of accelerated energy embracing all humanity right now.  Awakening and the intent to walk the path of awakening is very challenging.  It indeed is easier to stay asleep with earthly, societal distractions, following the illusion of 'security'.  But sooner or later, awakening is going to be the focus.