Saturday, March 5, 2016


The Blessings of Choice

Taking responsibility for one's own life and consequences of one's own actions without blaming or judging others or oneself is probably the most difficult of paths to walk in the human experience.

I am not holier than thou, or better than anyone else. I have simply chosen to take responsibility for the events that occurred in my life from my choices. Many choices were made in youth that had a rippling effect over my entire life. Some choices and effects of my 'filter system of perception' are actually handed down in the DNA & aren't mine at all, yet I house them and before having awareness of this phenomenon, thought it was "all me" - I still take responsibility for perceptions/actions/choices that are from the cellular level, aka "inherited" as this is another form of expansion of what is bigger than each of us individually, and is rather for the expansion of the collective of humanity, of which we are all part and all one within.

Hence, those that choose to live lives blaming everyone, everything for their dis-ease of free will misuse, I do not judge, but am here to tell you - maybe you should try something different, for after all, how's that working out for you? How's that working out for your children? Is your life filled with joy and are you teaching the higher road available to all humans through your example, or are you beating the ever tiresome drum of "how not to be" by your example and leaving a path of emotional destruction to yourself and others?

With so much information available, so many modalities of healing, so many avenues of wisdom at our fingertips, all it takes is a choice to refine your trajectory.

My father called me a "tramp" when I was still a virgin.
My mother hated all her children when they reached puberty, before that she was a doting, attentive and incredibly loving mother.
Both my children's fathers abandoned their children, one because he chose his addiction over family, the other because he and his family chose ego and blame over responsibility. This turned out to be a blessing, for to have had either of them in my life would have added conflict.

I got to make the choice to raise my daughters with the power of prayer, the knowledge of being part of a Divine creation that was bigger than an individual, organic foods, self-empowerment and being true to oneself. To not judge and to look for the cloud's silver lining, even if it DID mean comparing ourselves to people in war torn countries, for there were some mornings I had to count the blessing to my children that "at least no one is shooting at us" - so take heed, dear ones.....LIFE IS SHORT.

What are you teaching by the way that you are being? Are you being the reflection of the Divine force that is the creator of all there is? If not, it's not too late to start. Yogananda said, "as long as there is breath in the body, there is hope for enlightenment" - or something like that. One does not have to "attain enlightenment" in the yogic sense to be a good example to their children.

Are you teaching harmony and the power within or are you teaching what life is like when you choose discord, disharmony, dis-ease, dis-loyalty and dis-regard for other life forms?
Blessings on your trajectory, and prayers for your choice to experience the higher road.


Monday, August 3, 2015


To Skate or NOT to Skate
Or, to do anything at all or nothing at all, for however long one can get away with it.

Why do today what you can put off until the last possible moment?

Is committing to some goal and working at it one step at a time a better feeling than thinking about it, not doing it at all, putting it off??....the end of the day still comes around. 

Filing an extension on taxes that are really simple and not complicated, just because it wasn't 'gotten around to' and then waiting until two days before the extension runs out to get the money's worth out of said ultimate procrastination mindset.

Buying all the best gear, signing up for lessons, courses, workshops, seminars....taking those lessons, courses, etc.....and then just stopping the whole process....over & over & over.

I don't feel the need to "have to admit to doing all the above" - not spilling my guts here to feel better about myself.  HOWEVER....a year has come and gone.  At the years' beginning, I had so much umph, so much drive, such amazing goals/dreams and chutzpah for skating/photography/recording music/revising my book/upgrading my website....(different years, different projects, but it's all the same, really) - and the Art of Procrastination seemed to have gotten really sharpened, utilizing events in my life to give me great excuses to lose momentum with all the above inspired activities.

The year passed.  I could have ....  oops...not gonna do the woullda/couldda/shudda thing.... because that's part of the Art of Procrastination....the reprimanding or beating up of oneself for the practice and perfecting of procrastination.

No one could start out on any project with more excitement and energy than me.  I know this to be a fact.  I'm like the fastest racehorse out of the gate, the one the teacher/coach/etc. sees to have 'great promise' - and I run the fastest on the track.  In the homestretch, the racehorse (me) just stops when she was clearly in position for 'the win' (the win not meaning to beat anyone else, but to simply continue to the finish, or the next step) - JUST STOPPED.

There is momentum in JUST STOPPING.  How ironic is that?????  What a helluva thing to have momentum stopping.  Quitting?  I've never called it quitting, because I haven't considered myself quitting any of these activities.  I did finish the book.  I did finish writing/producing/recording the CD - and it is beautiful.  I got them all onto the website.  I took a course in promoting all of it.  That's when I stopped.  The marketing of the arts felt like the same old thing.  I did embrace marketing of it initially, but lost interest in taking it to the next level, as it seemed to be 'a formula' that 'everyone had to do in order to be a success' - so I chose to put down that drive to be a "success".  Why?  What IS success anyway?

Had I skated as much as I could this past year, I would have learned some fun stuff....I love my ladies at the Coffee Club - they are so inspiring.  I've watched a few 'beginners' who started out sort of like me and are now doing really cool stuff and I can still barely go from one direction to the other or do crossovers in reverse.  I still feel like a scared dork on the ice to be perfectly honest.

OK, this blog is getting pretty long.  I just wanted to share with you something that probably a lot of people are living with and not sharing with everyone.  After all, there's so many good procrastination jokes that it makes it less painful and actually funny to relate to it.  But honestly, I'm actually sick of it right now.  I refuse, however, to pay money on a course to beat procrastination, I have to let it 'run it's course - accept this - and it will transform more quickly.  Life was much more fun when I had consistent UMPH and got that album FINISHED, sat with my book & got it revised in two nights.  Kept at it.  Enjoyed the momentum.

OK, so this may seem like a pointless post, but it was inspired by reading my figure skating friend who HAS stuck with it and can now do spins, now do those fancy named maneuvers that I've spent the year dreaming about instead of working on on the actual ice.  So thank you, Christine, for inspiring me in some way....just by your being-ness, your grace, your consistence and perseverance.  You are a beautiful skater with an even more beautiful spirit!  

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Learning to Skate Is A Spiritual Experience of Expansion

"Putting on a pair of skates and putting oneself on the ice will bring out any structural imbalance that remained hidden in everyday life of just walking around."  Is what a coach to the Olympians told me at the Salt Lake City rink.  She restored my resolve, which quite honestly was fading somewhat.

I've been on the ice since perhaps last May, on custom made Harlick Skates, the best of the best.  My right skate insisted on resisting to glide and I always felt like I would fall, and sometimes did, especially at my attempts at learning to skate backwards.

The frustration in this would have made anyone, including me, want to just give up.  There were days I would just cry on the ice because my dream of skating seemed to be sabotaged with this resistance that seemed out of my control to overrun with my sheer will.  Every skate session turned into a process of overcoming frustration with only brief moments of the joy I was seeking in this pursuit.  If I didn't have the world's most beautiful skates, I probably would have shelved this dream and just continued writing, playing my violin and my other creative pursuits.

But I don't give up.  Every time I wanted to just get off the ice, I'd make myself go back on with an even stronger resolve to not let anything stop me.  I would look at this process as a spiritual expansion, because it WAS.  To NOT GIVE UP ON ONE'S DREAMS DESPITE THE OBSTACLES.

I had blade adjustments several times, an assortment of coaches' advice and finally, the pro at Skatetown Ice Arena told me, after watching me skate that I have an ankle pronation and a sports podiatrist could address this with orthotics.  I promptly made an appointment and the orthotics are being made.
Meanwhile, as timing is perfect in all things whether or not it is what we think we want, not skating with my Coffee Club Goddesses weekly, I have been in the studio with my "Dream Team" - recording Mantra Music and revising the website, upgrading it to be a work of art showcasing all the aspects of my creativity.  I also had time to revised my first book, THE CHE DIARIES, and very soon the second edition will be available through Amazon.  This focused time in the studio has caught the momentum, free from interruption from my skating days to get my music promoted and is now #1 on the charts of Spiritual music in Nevada City, #4 globally and #5 Nationally on a site called ReverbNation.  The commentary on my music from those that have heard it throughout the world is amazing, and I invite you all to go see what I've been doing during my time off the ice.

I've also acquired a Nano, wireless headset and armband to hold the little technical device and loaded onto it all my David Garrett music that I have been listening to for months doing amazing figure skating routines to in my head.  Skating without music is like learning to dance without music - just can't be done joyfully and with the flow that music provides.

So I am READY for the day those orthotics go into my skates to get back out on the ice and FEEL THE GLIDE.  I am skating to not only pursue my own childhood dream, but to share this experience to uplift and inspire those who have raised children and put their dreams aside to do it, or even forgotten what those dreams are.  And one day, some day, I will be able to do a spin, a jump and one of those routines that are in my head, I will actually do on the ice!

Wednesday, September 17, 2014


So it seems I was right in the middle of an enthusiastic pursuit of the childhood figure skating dream, writing on the blog about the spiritual and physical expansion of this experience when POW!!!!!!  I dropped out.  In reality, I didn't drop out, but prioritized those dreams into work-able order.

My second revision of "THE CHE DIARIES" was in process when I began the skating pursuit.  Coupled with that pesky resistant right skate, then the skating collision, there was a shift in my resonant field, and I had to focus on the work that it takes to get this book launched.  I miss skating, and tomorrow in fact I go in for a final skate adjustment, but these past weeks, my web-master, co-creative partner and I have scheduled studio time to "GET 'ER DONE!"  And getting 'er done is what we are fact this moment as I write this, beside me sits Sir Wizard working feverishly on the new website exclusively for the book, linking it to my existing website as his lovely wife, Shirl Spencer puts the images on and organizes the NEW blog that will also be called "THE CHE DIARIES"....Robbi is working like a madman and I'm detecting steam coming out of his eyeballs.

I cannot imagine pushing as many buttons as he does in the timing in which he pushes them, each push correlating to a specific task that if I just follow for one moment, my head spins.  I am in heaven here in the studio as when I'm on the ice, except I don't fall, collide with ice dancers or bust my ass. It also requires no padding for the various body parts that need protecting as I pursue the skating dream.

So, SHORTLY, folks, friends, family and fans, you will receive the link to the place on Amazon where you can order the beautiful new edition of the upgraded, sharpened up and amazing book that was my actual experience which expanded my spirit, my life, my vision...which has given me the umph to pursue not one, but ALL my dreams.  It has opened me up to the purpose of my life, and Robbi & Shirl Spencer here at SE Studios, with all their knowledge, love for and belief in me, are making every dream I have into a tangible form that I can share with you all.

Soon I will link you all up with the many productions that are created by this dynamic duo and my best friends and family, Robbi & Shirl Spencer, two very talented, kind and loving angels in my life.  So stay tuned!!!!

Friday, August 15, 2014



The ice was buttery smooth beautiful.  Almost no one was at the rink with all the kids back at school, so it was wonderfully serene.  Only the Coffee Club Goddesses were present and few others mulling about.  I stepped on the ice full of sweet anticipation of feeling the new adjustments made to my skate by Phil Kuhn, maker of my glorious skates and president of Harlick Skates.  Ahhhh, the sweetness of anticipation!!!!

So on the ice I go, and my experience was met with the sweetness equal to that of my anticipation.  No resistance in that formerly pesky skate, I was able to feel the wonderful feeling of GLIDING with both feet!

All the women are wonderful, and every time I attend, my heart is refreshed by the friendships and encouraging support of each and every one of these amazing ladies.  I began working on what I'd formerly written in my blog of that "AH-HA" moment of committing to the edge by the way I held my body, taught to me by Jane Moody some sessions ago.  I just didn't have that 'feel' as I'd experienced during my AH-HA moment, but I was working it.

Karen, a beautiful 70 year old ice dancer, who's hair is always perfect, her make up always meticulously applied to bring out the elegance that she embodies,   took at least 20-30 minutes of her own skate time to show me details on how to execute what she saw me trying to do on my own.  I was so grateful, as I always am, when someone takes their time on the ice to show me something, give me a tip, etc.

So there I am, skating on one of the four huge painted circles beneath the ice, practicing this foundational skating move Karen had just shown me.

I didn't see it coming, neither did she.  Karen was skating backwards, ready to execute an ice dance move, so she was coming fast with plenty of power at a curve that prevented her from seeing me.  I saw it a a split second before the impact of our collision and there was nothing I could do to get out of the way.  We hit hard, I slid after we hit, both of us down.  I wasn't hurt, but to my horror, she lay curled up, unmoving, her back to me, her ice halo flying off her head.  Of course when anyone falls, all the others call, "are you alright?"  But their calls were met with silence from Karen and she remained unmoving, lying on the ice.  She impacted her shoulder hard, and all the women came skating over.  One lady helped me up, and several gathered around Karen.  Jayne, the coach worked with her, telling her not to move, don't try to get up and applied all her professionalism and experience to the situation.  I held Karen's ice halo, which sailed my way in the collision, and I also remained down on the ice.

Emotion and horror gripped me and I lost it, seeing her crumpled unresponsive body.  No thoughts flooded, such as guilt or any of those self-centered wonderments, only horror had me gripped fully in its embrace.  Gently, after some time, Jayne and some others assisted Karen to get up safely and get her off the ice.  Haruni held onto me and escorted me off the ice, as I was clearly having enough of a melt down to melt the ice!

The women were reassuring me that this happens, accidents happen, collisions happen, it's no one's fault, "It was not your fault, Ave," they reassured me.  They were working with Karen to assess the damage to her shoulder, which evidently was rather extreme.  "And tomorrow's my birthday!" she exclaimed.  "And now I'm going to miss my lesson with Chris in 15 minutes!"  But even Karen, in her pain reassured me it wasn't my fault.  Luckily, I had some ibupropen and offered it, which she took immediately.  I felt a molecule of relief that I could assist in some way, by having this medication.  

One of our very beautiful and graceful young women came up to me when I was emoting heavily and she asked if we would like to pray.  She lead a beautiful prayer to our Lord Jesus which brought immediate peace upon the circle as clearly, she is a being of light.  With her spirit and focus and the most beautiful prayer spoken with such depth, she was able to bring the healing power of the Creator that loves us all and knows all our needs even when we don't.  It was a very powerful and sacred time of all of us coming together within the light of Christ and the love we all have for each other.

Karen left after a little while, saying she was ok to drive home as she is right handed and the damage was to the left shoulder.  It was difficult to get back on the ice as I clearly had an immediate case of PTSD, but I made myself get back out there, and in honor of Karen, I made myself practice the precise exercise I was doing when the impact occurred. 

I fell two other times today, sustaining no injuries for which I am well padded and extremely grateful.  There were very few of us on the ice today and this remained the case.

Before going home, I decided to go to eat a full and grounding meal as I knew I needed something more than my usual diet of nutrition packed smoothies (due to my current jaw issue, chewing food is too painful)....I am grateful for the nutritional supplements one can put into a smoothie!

I just received a call from Karen, and indeed the bone that caps the shoulder is cracked!!!  She asked if I got hurt in the impact and we spoke some time of ice dancing, using edges, the collision, our instructors and our group.  It was a beautiful conversation.  Tomorrow this Goddess will be 71 and she is the most beautiful ice dancer, which btw, ice dancing incorporates difficulty levels that exceed the fancy jumps and spins the public is used to seeing figure skaters execute.  Karen will call me Tuesday after she sees the orthopedic specialist to let me know if surgical repair is required, meanwhile, pain medication is definitely in order.

This is my new family, my beautiful, graceful, thoughtful amazing group of women who care for each other and have a camaraderie I have truly never known on this level.  I am graced by God to have come into this circle.  In honor of Phil and these women, I am DETERMINED to win a medal in some competition, somewhere, some time, and when I'm on that podium, I will dedicate it to each of these glorious beings who have brought a new light into my life, a new upliftment to my spirit.  When I am in their company, I feel like I am truly home, where I belong.  

Thank you, my Coffee Club Goddesses and Phil & Ginger Kuhn, each of you are my hero.